Dear Universe,
I forgive you for making decisions about my life, without asking me first.
I forgive you for delaying the one thing I've wanted more than anything since I was 13.
I forgive you for bringing perfection into my life and allowing me to glimps the beauty of my future, without ever letting me touch it.
I forgive you for not telling me what you need from me and for making me fight, step by step, to figure it out.
I forgive you for bribing my body into playing your games.
But mostly, I forgive you for loving me in ways I have yet to understand.
Today I also forgive myself for blaming everyone else before I realized that this choice, this path is not human design. My not having a baby today has nothing to do with anyone in my life, including myself, it just is. I forgive myself for not realizing this sooner.
I make no promises that I will feel this way tomorrow, but will do my best, daily, to remind myself that even though I have no choice in when I will be able to hold the future in my arms, I do have a choice if I smile along the way.
Today, I choose to smile.
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